Obama, McCain Leave Campaigns to Visit Elders

by sawamix

Democratic presidential candidate and Illinois senator Barack Obama has announced through his campaign that he is leaving the campaign trail for a few days to visit his suddenly gravely ill 85 year-old grandmother. Madelyn Payne Dunham, who was just released from the hospital, broke a hip and may not live to see the results of the November fourth election. Sen. Obama, with no fanfare, abruptly left the campaign trail to tend to his ailing grandmother in Hawaii.

In a related news item, Republican presidential candidate and Arizona senator John McCain has also left the campaign trail to tend to his 95 year-old mother, stating through McCain campaign spokesman Tucker Bounds, “Whatever whatsisname can do, I can do better.” Stating through Mr. Bounds that there are some things that are more important than politics, Mr. McCain rushed to his mother’s side even though Mrs. McCain was not reported to be gravely ill.

“Look,” Mr. Bounds said in an email to conservative journalists, “Mrs. McCain is one of the ten or twelve people in the country who can actually make Senator McCain feel and look younger. There is no truth to the rumor that the senator’s mother is in good health.”

As proof, a spokesman for Mrs. McCain said that an envelope containing white powder was mailed to her house, Jeff Gilooly and Tonya Harding tried kneecapping her with a lead pipe and instead of her regular Senior Center ride to the doctor, Karl Rove sent Senator Ted Kennedy to pick her up.